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"Jimmy, I've asked myself that same question at least once a month for over 35 years. Sometimes, when I was feeling very low about my life, the answer was yes, that I wished I'd never met him. If I didn't ever know how much I could love someone it would have been a lot easier to love your father. I was convinced during those times that my life would have been better just with that one thing. Jimmy, I've often thought that your dad's life and your life and Phil's would have been better then too. Your dad changed a lot when he gave up on loving me after he was sure that I would never grow to love him. He'd been pretty much a happy man up until then. Most of the time though, the great majority really, I remember my excitement, the raw power of my feelings, I was so alive, all of my senses were heightened when he was around me. I can remember specific times when we were together, as clear if it had been yesterday. I remember being so full of the joy of simply having him touch me, of him. Not only did they demand that the followers of Jarjan live by his laws, but so should everyone else. Intolerance was becoming a fact of life. It seemed to him that peaceful coexistence seemed to be a fantasy of the past.Maybe he was becoming an old man. Old men were too tired to fight. They accepted the dark looks from locals without complaint and listened to the young radicals without comment. It was just too difficult getting out of bed, to even think about running around fighting.It was the young men who rebelled, protested in the streets, and fought what they viewed as an unjust suppression of their culture. Too often it was their strongest and brightest young men who rebelled the most. Their actions were becoming increasingly violent, which only increased the tensions. He knew that if things didn’t change that one day soon the streets would run with blood.This particular evening, Anpu Tahan was depressed about having lost another bright young man to the radical temple across.
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